Many of you may know that my second daughter, Kelsi, lived only a few days. She was born 16 weeks premature. Yes, 4 months early. She was so small. I have never seen a smaller living human. She weighed only 13 oz and measured a mere 8 1/2″ long. My little girl fought hard, but in the end, we had to let her go. There isn’t a day that goes by that she isn’t in my thoughts at some point.
Today is October 15th and it is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness day. I am so glad that I live in the time I do. Had my baby been born 100 years ago, it would have been a very taboo subject. And it would have been a common occurrence. By having my baby now, I am met with others that can also empathize with all that I have been through. I am able to help them as they walk the path of grief that I walked just prior to them. The subject is still slightly taboo to talk about. There are a lot of people that dismiss the death of a baby, especially when it comes to miscarriage. I am so fortunate that Kelsi was born alive. It throws me into a different group of women where my grief is acceptable and I don’t have to fight the fight of grieving a baby that has been lost. My heart breaks for my many friends that delivered a still baby and watching their grief somehow not be as acceptable. Any loss is horrible at any stage. The lost dreams. The lost memories that will never happen. The lost love and experiences. All of it is a loss. All of it is heartbreaking.
Tonight at 7:00 in every time zone there will be a wave of light that passes over the nation, if not the world, as mothers and loved ones light a candle for our sweet babies that were taken from us too soon.
My dear sweet Kelsi, I will always wonder who you would have been. I will always miss you. And most of all, I look forward to the day we reunite.